Mondays and the Government...Ya Gotta Love Em!!!

I'm a procrastinator...yup, in every sense of the word.  I don't have a clue as to why I'm like that, but I will freely admit it...and it must be true because my family seems to remind me of this terrible trait...but I say "Big Deal" its who I am...it makes me unique...and oh by the way I'm also full of Bull too, just ask any member of said family, or friends.

The above paragraph was just a set up for how my Monday went .....I got up knowing that I needed to go to the social security office to straighten out a mistake "They had made"...understand this here and now I Don't Make Mistakes, (it's just a gift I have I guess), so I know it had to be theirs!

Let's roll time back a couple of years to really get the whole story....I was going to join the masses that filed their income tax online, so I got on the IRS website, read all the instructions, went to the appropriate site, did my taxes, and all the time I'm thinking why the hell didn't I do this before, this is pretty easy....Wrongggggggg...with a capital W!!!!

Once I hit the submit button, I got the dreaded error message that I couldn't do this online.... as I read that little statement, I could feel myself getting a little mad....NO, actually I was getting a lot pissed!...So I took action, and called the number given to access one of the helpful agents(of course I'm saying that with all the sarcasm I can muster) to find out what the problem was.

After holding, an holding, and holding...well you get the picture, an agent finally answered and greeted me, asking for my personal information so she could pull up my account.  I gave her all she needed to know, told her I was trying to fill out my taxes online, and of course I had no luck because HER system had something against me!...I know it's not actually her system, but I'm trying to get her to take ownership in her employers way of messing with us poor taxpayers.

Well of course she puts me on hold, and all the time I'm thinking ....NO lady don't do that, I will only lose the phone connection, and will have to start this process all over again....luckily we stayed connected and she came back, to explain to me that the date of birth I had put on my online filing was WRONG!....Wrong my butt lady...I know when the hell I was born....was the immediate thought that went through my head, but luckily not out of my mouth.  I calmly ask her the date she had on my records, and she gave me the date, which come to find out was inverted from my actual date of birth...so their showing I was born on the 31st, and I was actually born on the 13th......

Ok problem solved right? I just have to tell her that she needs to switch the one and the three and we are good to go....I can file and get my refund in a timely manner....Of course that was a delusional idea on my part.  She's starts telling me that somewhere along the way I must have made a mistake in writing down my birth date when filling out my application for my SS card (my blood is boiling at this point), to which I respond....NO maam! I don't think so(remember folks, I don't make mistakes), and point out to her, that could possibly, in her wildest imagination,  believe the mistake could have been made when they went to a computerized system, and was transferring my information....Silence hits the phone line at this point, and then I hear...Oh maybe your right.  Thanks lady, I know I'm right, just ask my kids!

So what do I need to correct this problem, if we can't do it by phone, was my next question....to which she responded that I need to go to the nearest social security office, bring at least two forms of identification with my correct date of birth......and that I needed to do it right away!....UH huh, I will get right on that...was my first thought. Y'all screwed up and I'm suppose to jump through a hoop...ain't happening!   Well here it is two years later, and of course its obvious I didn't follow her advice(I admit to having a problem with being told what to do!), because I'm now just making my way down to city hall to get a copy of my birth certificate to take as proof, along with my drivers license, to show these experts that... I KNOW WHEN I WAS BORN.

Since I'm getting ready to turn 62 in a few months I needed to get this straight, and didn't want it to hold up receiving my monthly retirement check.

So now back to how my visit went yesterday....

I got my birth certificate(only cost 23.00) with the official seal... got to have the official one, and I'm out the money...The SS office is located in another town about fifteen miles away....so add gas cost to my out of pocket expense, to straighten out THEIR MISTAKE!

I get to their office, and prior to going inside, I'm greeted by a little old lady, standing outside the door looking down at a doll that resembles a leprechaun, and it's tied to the front of one of those little scooters that people use that have a hard time walking around... well the lady is holding a heated conversation with this doll...yes I'm at the right place was my first though...I know it has to be because they must have driven this poor old woman to such a frantic state that she needed to vent on the leprechaun, instead of smacking the dog out of one of the employees.

After carefully maneuvering around the old lady (I didn't want to distract her in mid conversation), I make my way inside, to a small reception area loaded to the max with others waiting to get satisfaction from our retirement system.  I get handed a number, and told to just have a seat that they would be with me shortly.........Shortly! Evidently this guy that not only doubles as number hander outer, but also security, hasn't opened his eyes long enough to see the hoard of others that I'm going to have to wait behind before my turn comes up.

Finally my number gets called...and actually the wait wasn't too bad...I get up from my seat, and head over to one of the windows, like all the other cattle have done...I explain my situation, and start to present my documentation, only to be stopped in mid sentence..."Sir, go back and wait, someone will call your name and you can go back and they will take care of this for you"...Ok no problem, but why the hell did I have to lose my previous seat to talk to you, just to be told YOU can't help!...God I love the way our Government works.

A door leading into the back offices opens and I hear my name called...finally justice will be served, and I will get this straight....and actually it was.  The young lady that helped me was very nice, and got my situation straighten out,(they actually know when I was born) at least I was told it was....I haven't logged on yet to their system to see....but I'm taking her word for it .....I mean would a person representing our government lie to me?...Dang that last comment almost made me laugh at myself .

When I left I felt some satisfaction that I had got my problem solved, and that I did it on my own terms, and not theirs...although their mistake did cost me out of pocket money...but hey at least it wasn't as much as other mistakes they've made that cost us taxpayers billions, plus the little old lady that was venting on the doll had evidently gotten satisfaction too, since she was gone by the time I left....but you know come to think of it so was the leprechaun doll...hmm I'm thinking she may have taken it hostage!

"Happy Birthday GG" With Love....Dad

Today is a very special day, for a very special young woman...It's my daughters Birthday.
She is thirty four, and yes she is still "Daddy's little girl"!  If you don't believe me just ask her. I'm sure she would roll her eyes and tell you that her dad is still very protective, and can't seem to quit trying to run her life, even though she is married and has a child of her own....But It's My Job!

Her Christian faith shines through for everyone to see, and is evident in everything she does in her daily life. She talks the talk, and she walks the walk, that most of us, (even her dad), only wish we could.

Gina is "the daughter" every father wishes they had...I'm still trying to figure out how I got so lucky. Good grades, church every Sunday, respectful, loyal friend to others, college graduate, and now mom and wife... She fulfilled most every parents dream of how they want their child to be, but most of all she is a true ambassador for the Lord. She lives her life as a testimony for others to see...not to bring glory, or attention to herself, but to "Give all the Glory to Him", and she passes that on to others that come into her life.

Although not big in stature, she is fearless once she feels that  God is calling her to action...She's traveled to the middle east to follow His calling... although not married at the time, and not knowing anyone, this 5'2 young woman traveled to New York to get the necessary training, join a group of other Christians from all over the country, and set out for six months(one of the worst times in her dad's life) to spread His word in a place where they could possibly be jailed, sent back to the states, or worse if they were perceived to be there on a mission trip, trying to spread His word in a country where the Bible isn't the book of choice! ....This is just one of many stories I could tell about her strength, and willingness to serve, but I don't see the need, nor would she, because in her life it's about Glorifying God, not glorifying her actions, and yes I am a very proud father, and better person because of her.

So today I just want to say "Thank You Lord" for giving me such a fine daughter, and mother of my youngest grandson....I hope your day today is as special as you are Gina...

Love you
Dad

Harold Schlumberg (Making a difference)

Wise Words




As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a

difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted

by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the

courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.



Harold Schlumberg is such a person ---

 
A quote from Harold ---




"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'


Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of


the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."


How cool is that to be able to do something you enjoy, and do it each and everyday!  Maybe I need to re-think retirement as being boring, and non productive. Of course luckily he has a degree in his chosen retirement activity...hmm wonder how long it would take me to get mine?

I Hate September!

September ought to be one of the nicest months of the year...the summer heat starts to fade making golfing more tolerable without fearing a heat stroke, football season is underway, the grass doesn't grow quite as fast, so less yard work...its just normally a very pleasant time of year.

 For most that is, but not for me...Now I can see you on the edge of your seat in anticipation asking "why doesn't Jim like September".  Well let me fill you in on my overwhelming dread for this particular month.   I have to go for my annual physical!  Now I know some of you are thinking to yourselves "Big Deal"...well to me its a Really Big Deal, because I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR...period, that's it I said it........I hate it!!!!

There are really only two things in this world I dread.....flying, and going to the doctor.....call me a baby, call me chicken, call me a wuss, cause I don't care "sticks and stones",  just don't make me board a plane, or see the dreaded Doctor White Coat. Other than these two things, I'm pretty much laid back, and can handle the ups and downs that life has thrown my way over my life time.
Every year I have to go in so the doctor can poke, prod, draw blood, ask questions, and do other unmentionable things to me...What a treat to have to bend over so another person can stick his finger where the sun don't shine, just so they can tell you, that at your age it's one of those things that needs to be done....WELL NO SHIT  SHERLOCK, but I sure as hell ain't going to smile about it in agreement!

I go through all this mainly to pacify  my family, and the doctor...the family, just so the kids know that their inheritance is still hopefully not just around the corner(besides I'm doing my best to spend it now), and for the doctor so that he will be satisfied that the blood pressure medicine is working, and that he will renew my prescription to carry me through until the next September Torture session rolls around.

Over the past couple of years during my appointments, Doctor White Coat, has been lobbying for me to have a Colonoscopy.......Is this guy NUTS or what!....Evidently he hasn't caught on to some of my subtle hints(is that really necessary, or I don't think I need that...Doc where did you say you graduated from) that I hate being there. Dang it... It takes me a full week just to talk myself into making my appointment to go see him, and now he's pressing his luck trying to get me to have a camera stuck up the same place that ...well never mind you get my point.

Ok look, I know he is just doing his job, and all the data points to people my age needing to be diligent in having this procedure done on a regular basis, plus some of my friends that have gone through it have assured me  "it's no big deal", but I'm just not one of those diligent people, nor do I trust some of my friends to shoot me the straight scoop ( you have to know some of these guys to understand).....I'M CHICKEN, and I don't know if they've found a cure for that yet, or invented a pill to make me want to undress, lay back, and let Doctor White Coat take pictures, that I could probably find on Utube if I looked hard enough. 

So I guess I'm still up in the air so to speak on letting him do this, but I know he will be doing his best to convince me, and I will be doing my best to avoid it.  As a matter of fact, I think I will leave it to fate, and flip a coin(best two out of three), and see if he will buy into that.  I mean isn't that how they make some of their diagnosis?

The time is getting near for the dreaded phone call to make my appointment, so by the end of the week (told ya I have to get mentally prepared), I will get it over with.  If only I could just write my own prescription , and be done with it...but then I would have to figure out a way to examine my own prostrate...well hell there went that idea! 

Ok Doctor White Coat, you win...just do me a favor...don't try and tell me I won't feel a thing, and don't tell me how happy I'm going to be when it's over, because I don't think I will find any happiness in laying on a cold table while someone is yanking a camera out of my lower orifice, or at least I don't think I will...but then again, I do have a weird sense of humor!

Spam...No Can Opener Needed...Just Click!

There are a few things that I actually love to do, and one is getting up in the morning, get a cup of coffee and sit in front of the computer,  anticipating all the surprises that are waiting for me when I check my email.

Now I'm not that big on surprises...I don't get all pumped up thinking I'm going to have a "Real" email from some long lost "Rich" relative, or my broker sending me information that he has a "sure fire winning stock pick"...I'm really alluding to my "Spam" folder.  You know...the little place where you receive all these wonderful offers, which evidently are "Too Wonderful" to go into one's Inbox!

I don't know how many millions of dollars I've past up over the years by not sending my 37.00 or whatever the going rate is for becoming a millionaire, for a specific offer, but I do know I would be giving Warren Buffet a run for his money, had I only just opted in to those different money making schemes...Uh, I mean programs.

How many "Free Government Grants" have I let go by....I mean damn it, our wonderful administration is passing out free money, and I've been so dumb I didn't latch on to any of it...and all the great free laptops, or the discount coupons for new super saver windows, the ones with the double panes, and tint to keep out the sun, and cut your electricity bill.  Of course it only takes you thirty years to recoup the money you spent on the windows, vs the actual money spent on electricity...Yup, these are all real winners, and how the hell did I pass on this stuff  I'll never know.

My overall favorites are the ones informing me that somehow I have access to some fortune left by some widow/widower, and that all I need to do is provide some needed information...Hmm, sounds reasonable...I give out my name, address, bank account number, phone, ssn, date of birth, and they send me a few million in return....Oh yeah, I'm all over that one...info on the way...send Jim the money! The only reservations I have about these are, for the life of me I don't remember having relatives in Uganda, Kenya, the Ukraine, France, etc....shoot most of my relatives still live a stones throw away. Oh well, I guess every family has a few Black Sheep traveling the world.

I think besides the forgotten relatives with all the money to send me....my next favorite is "Earning My Doctorate Degree".......yes folks, according to some of these institutions of higher learning....YOU my friend can receive your Doctoral Degree in less time than it takes to go to the grocery store, fill your car up with gas and return home to put said groceries up.....Now that's a deal right there, how in the world can someone in today's times pass that up...Jobs are hard to find, so having Dr. added in front of your name has to be worth something does it not?  Just think of all those poor suckers that actually spent years in Grad School just to get the same designation (if only they had checked their spam folder).  Plus the biggest selling point for me is... you can do it from the comfort of your own home, in front of your own computer, and to top it off, you can do it while still in your pj's...Hell's Bells, sign me up!

I could go on, and on with this...but I'm thinking y'all are getting the picture..."There's One Born Every Minute"...just don't let it be YOU!  Besides...I've screwed up enough for all of us!

Monday Is A Special Day!

Well it's Monday, and its a special day today....It's my oldest grandsons birthday...he turns the "Big 11".
He's a special young man, sharp, smart, handsome....just like his Poppa!  I couldn't be more proud of him.  His dad refers to him as their "in-house IT man". IT as in informational technology.

I'm sure for those of you that have grandchildren you can relate to this... I find it amazing that they are so much further along brain wise, in grasping today's electronics then I ever will be....with all the new technology that's come out, it seems that they can pick up any type of controller, use a computer, hook up the tv to the vcr, and to the surround sound,  then "Boom", instantly know how to play it, or how to navigate, and use it to it's fullest capabilities.  All the while, I'm still trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing on!

At what point, did I lose it, and at what point did these little people find it? I know back in my day we were limited to what was available, which wasn't much for sure, but dang it, I'm a grown up "shouldn't I be able to pick up on these things quickly", instead I'm getting lessons on usage from someone that isn't even old enough to vote, drive, go to pg 13 rated movies, or hasn't even entered puberty yet.  My answer is......I guess not!

So I think I will just be content with the knowledge that if I do run into a problem with my computer, tv, digital camera, cell phone, or any other item that requires a subject matter expert...my IT man is only a phone call away.

Happy Birthday Kyler!

Seeing Is Believing...Right?

I was surfing the net this morning and came across an article called..."Your Subconscious Mind Power Is The Universe", so don't ask me why, but I decide to read it, and see if it would help me tap into the power of my mind...I might just find a few things that I lost over the years, and be able to put them to good use now...I mean it's possible, right?

It starts off my stating, "Basically, if you can conceive it in your mind, it can come true".  Oh, OK..well over the years I've conceived many an idea that for some reason didn't quite make it to fruition, so maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, or the vision of my conception was in 3D, and I forgot to put the special glasses on to see it clearly...I'm thinking it could be a number of things, but probably the fact that my mind, and my conceiving are not always on a level playing field. Thus skewing the outcome...hmm, who knows, but I'm going to give it my best shot to figure this subconscious stuff out.

It goes on to state that, "Visualization is one commonly used method of learning to use the power of the subconscious mind to achieve goals".  Well let me tell you that in my testing data, the success rate for this "sucks".   Everytime I play golf, I visualize shots, and I'll be darned if the shot I hit looks anything like the one I planned out in my head...I have thirty five years of topped balls, slices, hooks, missed putts to back me up on this, and I can provide witnesses if needed!  So much for seeing then doing.

I'm beginning to think this subject is maybe for more cerebral types, rather  than this poor ol simple minded guy...I mean trying to harness all this subconscious energy would cause me to...either fall asleep while trying to visualize, or blow a gasket, from all the unleashed thoughts I have stored up...

Conclusion....I think I will just stick to the here and now, and leave the subconscious alone...it's not worth being pissed off about when I see my Drive on the first hole go into the water, after I Visualized it going 300 plus yards down the middle of the fairway.

The Days Goal Was Accomplished!

Five down and more than several left to go before the week is done.....Five is the number of Little League World Series games that were played today, and since it was realllllly hot outside in my part of Texas, I made it a point , NO...I made it a goal to watch all of them.

It's always nice when one sets a goal and reaches it...in fact this is probably one of the few I've ever completed, but then again I had incentive working on my side...Mow, or watch games, wash truck, or watch games, give Buddy The Big Dog a bath, or watch games...hmm I think I will watch me some baseball!

With this plan in mind, and with the first game starting at 11am, I got settled in my recliner for a grand  day of watching the kids play, and listening to Orel, Nomar, and Bobby(for those that don't know, they are ex major league players/coach) give their insightful comments about the teams, kids, parents, what they had for lunch, what their nicknames are, what their favorite this or that is.....Lord, I'm full of all this trivial information now, and don't know what to do with it....if only I had three other people around  I would be a star in a game of Trivial Pursuit.

Now I do have to admit I might have dosed off every now, and then during a game...well actually during each game, but since I didn't have a vested interest in the outcome I didn't think anyone would really care. Nomar, and the other color commentators were to busy passing along all the pertinent information on the teams kids and anything else they can think of to kill air time, plus doing the play-by-play, so they never even noticed  I wasn't paying attention.

I enjoy watching the kids play the sport....not doing it for the mega bucks the pros are paid, but for the thrill, and enjoyment of the game itself.  The excitement they show is very genuine, real, and contagious to those of us that were awake long enough to watch, and even though I had no dog in the fight, I would pick out a certain player/players, and give them few helpful tips while sitting in my recliner...not that it helped them, because I don't think the electronic bunch from Mensa, has come up with a way for me to communicate through the television yet (I'm sure at some point this will become a reality), but because it brings back memories from when my son played, and of course good Old Dad always had some sort of comment, tip or constructive critisism for him.

Even though I didn't really care who won, or lost today......tomorrow will be another story. The boys from Texas play, so yes my eyes will be glued to the boob tube, and as any "True Texan" would do, I will be rooting for the kids from Pearland Tx. to put a big whooping on whoever they are paired against.

So tomorrow I will put my game face on, get situated in my recliner prior to game time, and be prepared to hand out all sorts of advice to the tv, about what the team needs to do, or not do in order to win this next game (that's a lot of responsibility for one old guy), and besides, I figure that talking to the tv in some ways would be like talking to my son. Neither one listened to me anyway, but not to worry, I will still be there handing out advice...cause that's what I do best!

"I Swear!!!"

And yes I actually did...but let me explain myself. I decided to go out to the golf course today, and play nine holes, and that alone has made me swear(just a nice way to say I cuss sometimes).   

It's been about a year, or maybe a little less since I've played, mainly because my back has been an issue, so I haven't wanted to take a chance of getting out there, and then pay the price of being down in my back, especially while I was still gainfully employed, but now that I am retired, that excuse is out the window.

Since retiring I've been doing a lot of walking, which I figured would help with my back problems, and I really think it has....so today I though I might as well test it out....Mistake!

I knew things were going to be bad from the get go...first its 95 degrees, and here on the coast of Texas that probably equates to about a 102 to 104 heat index...but hey whats a little heat...I can take it.

Second, when I get to the first tee, there are three guys that just teed off, so I'm thinking, well maybe they will ask me to play with them, but no....I hear, "you want to go a head and play through", which means they would let me go a head of them. Now I can hear you asking "whats wrong with that", to which I answer ....nothing, if they already hadn't teed off.  So now I have to get up there, with basically no warming up my old extremities, tee off and rush to get the heck out of their way.

Luckily I didn't make my self look to bad with three sets of eyes on me when I hit my first shot... I didn't even need a mulligan. I slammed it down the right side of the fairway, and gave myself some false hope that maybe laying off for all that time might have actually been good for my game...Wrong!

So now I'm in rush mode to hurry up and get far enough down the road so that I'm not going to hold these guys up...I mean they were nice enough to let me go in front of them, so again without giving much thought to my second shot I take the club back thinking I'm going to have two good shots in a row, and then I mightily end up topping my shot....false hope gone...reality setting in, so  now I really get in a hurry to get  down the fairway, and out of sight. 

My third shot was good, it got me close to the green, so I wasn't feeling too bad, and as I looked back, the kind threesome were just pulling up to there first shots, so I knew I had time...but the tone had been set for the rest of my round........hit the ball, rush to make a shot, hit the ball rush to make a shot...are you getting the picture?  It's a mindset that is instilled on the first tee, and every golfer knows that once a precedence has been set for the round, you sure as heck can't change it. Well not unless your Tiger Woods, or someone of that level, and your swing guru is following you around the course reminding you that... YOUR'E RUSHING!

Well needless to say the first hole was a double bogey disaster, but I'm thinking, Ok Jim next hole is yours....dang it wrong again!  I'm still in hurry up mode, and there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it except to just hope that the Golfing Gods would have mercy on me , but somehow they didn't get the memo, and the second hole is a carbon copy of the first.

How about the third hole you ask?  I promptly hit my tee shot in the water, so now I'm hitting three off the tee box...damn golf is fun.  Somehow though, my third shot is a really good drive hooking just right with the contour of the fairway, and amazingly with good distance....Hope springs eternal, I'm back in the game....Uh no, I'm not.  I stand there gazing, and by the looks of it I'm only about about a good nine iron away from the green, so I grab my trusty club, take a practice swing(I have time now because the guys behind me haven't even gotten on the second green yet), and prepare to hit the shot of my life.  If only that was what happened...instead I spray the ball to the right of the green, and in doing so I feel something in my right knee pull, and now instead of my back being out of whack, it's my darn knee...go figure.

Do I continue, or should I just call it a day?...Well to me the answer is obvious...Go Big or Go Home! At this point I've already screwed the first three holes on my own, and now my knee is giving me fits so shoot, I have the perfect excuse, and I'll be darned if I'm going to waste it. Finishing this round has become a quest for me, even if I have to call 911 on my cell phone to come, and pick me up on the ninth green. I Will Finish !

I won't bore you with the rest of my round. I would love to tell you that I shot even par for the rest of the nine, but that would be a lie, and we all no golfers don't lie, we just exagerate.  So lets just say I finished...yes hurt knee and all I made it through to play another day...

The good part of this little golfing story is my back held up great...the bad part is I will be walking around like Grandpa Amos for a few days  until my knee starts to feeling better.  I figure that I can use this for an excuse to get out of a few jobs around the house, or at least until I can walk good enough to get back out, and play another round, because like I said at the start of this sad but true story... It's my back that's bad...not my knee...and for whoever came up with these feel good slogans such as "60 is the new 50", evidently has not made it into their 60's yet!

"Walking The Dog"

Wasn't that a title to a song back in "the day"?  No, I'm not writing about a song, but actually about walking the dog, and yes that would be the famous Buddy The Big Dog, my Golden Retriever.

I usually walk about a mile everyday...heat, cold, rain, wind, it doesn't matter...I'm kind of like the postman or woman(that's for all you feminist out there), I will go out in most any sort of weather, except when it starts lightening, and that's where I draw the line. Being struck by a bolt of lightening just isn't very appealing to me at this point in my life.

Buddy is my walking companion, he lives to do two things in life...fetch, and go for a walk.  As soon as he notices me heading for the door, he's up and ready to go, which sometimes presents a problem because every time I go to the door I'm not always headed out to go walk, but he doesn't seem to really care what my original plan is...he has his own plans.

He will patiently wait at the door for me to put his leash on him, all the while giving me a "hurry up" look, tail wagging ninety to nothing, anticipating his trip out into the world.  Albeit the world  as he knows it is only our neighborhood, but that doesn't seem to matter, he just knows he's getting to go explore, look at the surroundings, and dish out insults to other dogs.

Once outside he is all eyes and ears, looking around taking notice of everything that moves, or makes a noise.  He is a very well mannered when it comes to being on a leash, and by that I mean Buddy doesn't tug, or pull my arm out of socket dragging me around, but instead he stays right by my side.  Well that is until he finds just the perfect spot to mark his territory.

Evidently it's important for him to let other dogs know he's been there. I guess it's their way of saying  No Tresspassing,  Get bent, or something of that nature,(just read between the lines), which obviously doesn't work, because it's not long before another four legged hair ball will be claiming that same exact spot, expressing the same sentiments to some other unsuspecting dog.

I've often wondered how they know where the perfect spot is...I'm sure that in the area we walk in,  there have been numerous other dogs marking spots all over the place. So how the heck do you pick just the right one? You know... the one that will give the most "Bang for the Buck".

Buddy seems to have it down to a fine art, because there is no hesitation in his spot picking process, he is drawn to it like a magnet. So here I am standing there waiting while he's getting the satisfaction of telling some other dog "to get bent, this is my area".  Yes he just laid down an insult to some other neighborhood dog, and he seems to take great pride in that because it won't be 2 minutes later that he is laying down another insult, then another...

This could go on the whole walk if I let it, but he and I have come to an understanding on this matter...He gets 3 insults per walk to be used at his discretion anywhere along our route.  It took some time, and negotiation  for us to come to terms on this, but he seems to have accepted the fact that you can only insult so many in the course of a mile, and now Buddy has learned to use them wisely.

So now by the time the walk is over, he seems to be totally satisfied, and content, knowing that he has left his mark on the world...so to speak, or at least until one of his neighborhood friends leaves their mark on his mark, which means tomorrow he will be back re-marking his mark.  I think this definately could be considered a "Catch 22 " situation.

Taking "The" Plunge!

OK, I finally caved in and opened up a Facebook page...Yes, I can be coerced into doing things, but don't spread that around, I have an image to uphold.

I decided yesterday to see what all the fuss is about, and so I created an account, filled out all the required information, and even figured out how to put my picture up...if that doesn't scare away potential friends I don't know what will.

Facebook really doesn't make it easy on a fella with limited computer skills to figure out everything that needs to be done to control the information you want others to see, or not see.  By the time I finished, I was already wondering "what the hell have I done".

I no sooner get logged on, when people are already taking pot shots at me(yeah Smith I'm talking about you, and some of my family members) about joining, and then... all of a sudden I'm getting "friend request", which I guess is good, but that leads me to another dilemma...Do I want just anyone for a friend on here, and will it hurt someones feelings if I ignore them, is it going to cause a cyber war of great proportion, will the earth reverse its axis?  Lordy, that's a lot to deal with don't you think? I guess I will just have to play the friend thing by ear, and take it on a friend or no-friend situation, depending on if it's a full moon that night or not.

I can see why so many people are caught up in this, and become addicted to logging on and checking out their pages along with their friends pages, and friends of friends pages...it's because "THEY ARE INHERENTLY NOSY!"  Yes people, I said it, because "The Truth Will Set You Free" Can I get an Amen here!  So just admit it, it won't hurt, just repeat after me....I'm nosy.  Heck I'll be the first to admit that fact...that's the only reason I joined.

Since I'm now a full fledged Facebook person...feel free to look at my page, send me an invite(but remember what I said about a Full Moon), take pot shots at me...but DON'T even think about trying to get me involved in the Farmville hysteria, or any other game on there that takes dedicating 40 hours a week, and having to beg for items, or animals of any kind....It just ain't going to happen!

With all this said, I look forward to meeting up with some friends from the past, and making new friends...hoping that this will be a fun experience, and if not, there's always the deactivate account button...lol

Road Trip...Oh Yeah!

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting around wondering what I was going to do for the day, when my friend Mark called..."Road Trip" (that's code for, let's go to the casino) came flowing out of his mouth, straight into my ear, thus putting visions in my head of all the money waiting for us to win.  So we made our plans...another words I had to get a positive response from my better half that it was OK for me to go on said trip.

Permission Granted!...Yes!!! Big Money Here I come!....I relayed the good news to Mark, and told him to be ready a little after noon, that I would be swooping by his house to pick him up, and our quest to bring home the "Big Bucks" would be underway.

Being retired, and looking for something to occupy my time, and possibly making a few dollars, I told Mark that this trip came at a really good time, because this would be like my audition...If I did well, then I would just go ahead and make gambling my full time job. Of course there's a few draw backs to this idea that I should mention...I suck at gambling, I don't really take it that serious, I tend to get distracted when playing, and my wife won't let me. The last draw back probably being the most important.

Ok, so I pick Mark up and off we go getting out on the road headed east to our destination, which is about two and a half hours away. The talk of winning big started right off the bat...yes we were going to "Kick Ass and Take Names" before our gambling day was done, or so we thought. 

As we got up on the interstate, I asked him how he got the day off work, because I knew he was working a lot of overtime, and I was figuring he was just tired, and needing a day off.  Nope that wasn't it.  He had taken off work because of some health problems he said, and without going into it, he begins to tell me that he has a list of medications he's taking in his wallet, and if something were to happen that it would be a good thing to know, and share, if medical attention was needed.

HOLY CRAP! He's telling this to a guy that can't even watch the "Health Channel" on cable, and WE are headed to a place that can make one's blood pressure rocket sky high with the roll of the dice, turn of a card, or the spin of a "One Arm Bandit".  I'm thinking to myself, "to late to turn back now, I can't let this stand in the way of me making my DEBUT as a gambler".  I would just have to suck it up, keep my eye on him, and if something were to happen at the Casino, I knew they would have medical personnel on hand...I would just yell out..."Clean up on aisle 3 Herb", to get someones attention, and then continue gambling. Yeah, I know, it sounds harsh just to yell out and continue to gamble, but I know he would do the same for me, I mean we've been friends since the 5th grade, and he knows the importance of going on one of these rare Road Trips.

WE made it...parked, and headed into the casino ready to find our "Pot Of Gold". What to play? Now Mark likes the card games, and I like the slots, and sometimes craps.  I find in playing Black Jack, that I get distracted easily(there's just too much going on around me)which tends to make the other players at the table...well shall we just say PISSED!  So I tend to shy away from those tables, but not Mark, he seems to always have a new system that he needs to test...a system he knows that will put money in his pocket, all the while the other players at the table are wondering how he can look so calm while "his system" has just cost him so much money.

Oh well, the Best Laid Plans Of Mice and Men sometimes don't always workout as planned, and this trip was no exception. My Debut was a bust, so I guess I will have to find another way to supplement my retirement(if anybody needs their yard cut...call), and Mark's newest system didn't quite net him the monies he hoped it would....but in saying that, the main thing is not the money won or lost...it was being able to make "The Road Trip" with my friend, enjoying the day and company...and besides I didn't have to yell Clean up on aisle 3, man down, or pry a winning hand out of his hands while he's laying on the floor waiting for medical attention, so for the most part, all's well that ends well.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

The Lone Survivor!

Well to answer that question for my little tomato garden...IT DOESN'T!

I was talking to my daughter on the phone one day, and she was all excited about the garden my son-in-law was making...trips to Lowes for landscape timber, soil, mulch...etc. You know all the usual stuff needed to start a home garden, to get all those fresh veggies.

Sounded pretty interesting I'm thinking to myself ...So after we hung up, I figured I would do the same, but on a much smaller scale.  I certainly didn't plan on putting that much effort into this project...I was going to start small, and see how it went from there....So tomatoes were my vegetable of choice.  Start small you know, and work my way up to the title..."Farmer".

Being the smart person I am, I googled tomatoes, and found out the you could actually grow them in big pots, thus eliminating the need for all the blood, sweat, and smashed fingers of removing grass from the yard, turning up the dirt, and putting down landscape timbers...What can I say, I wanted the tomatoes, I just didn't want to bust my butt growing them.

Off to Lowes garden center I go...I already had the large pots needed to grow my tomatoes, but I did need the plants, and a few other items to get this project off the ground so to speak.

Ok, what kind of tomatoes am I going to grow? Well shoot, I get to looking, and find out they have more than one variety, now I have a problem...do I want the small ones, the large ones, the organic ones...good grief I thought this was going to be easy. After much deliberation, and looking at the  information that's on the pots, I pick one that states it can be grown in pots on the patio.

Problem Solved, choice made, but now how many of these plants do I need...how many tomatoes should I expect to get from a plant, how many plants are going to make it with me doing the planting, and care taking....these are the thoughts going through my pea brain as I'm standing there looking at these poor little soon to be experiments. Final result was 6...my thought process on this was, if I had success in keeping at least 2 of them alive, I would get more than enough tomatoes, and if all 6 made it then I would just back my truck along side the road leading into town and sell the excess...Retirement has a way of making you think about ways to earning extra money.

Let the games begin...I rushed home all ready to start my project in anticipation of harvesting a bountiful crop...Wrong!  I swiftly unloaded my truck, well let me re-phrase...I unloaded my truck, I don't do anything swiftly anymore.  Lined up all my six pots, read the directions for proper planting, and commenced to finding a new home for my 6 little friends...I just knew I had a sure thing working here...had the pots, bought some kind of super soil to put into the pots, sticks to support the plants when they got big, and screen to put around the pots to keep the birds, squirrels, or Buddy The Big Dog from getting into my plants, and eating the fruit of my harvest. Thinking ahead, yep no problems now...all I need to do is water, and wait for these babies to pop out on the vine, pick them when they are ripe...This is easy!

Wrong again!...Uh, someone forgot to tell me, that although I had protected my plants from the obvious, (Dog, birds, squirrels, wind, etc), but not from the unseen little critters that run around all over your plants, and you need a dang magnifying glass to see them. This project is now starting to turn into a war...Me vs unseen tomato killing bugs. Now let me also clarify one more thing...I can't totally blame the bugs...I may have over watered, or under watered, or maybe some of the pots were actually to small...but I'll be darned if I'm going to take the blame for that, this was my first try, and so I shouldn't be held accountable for these oversights....It was the freaking bugs!

Spotting the problem was fairly easy...if you see little holes in a leaf then it's not God's handy work helping the plants grow...its those miserable little bugs making a meal out of my tomato plants!
To combat these fierce little critters, I made another trip back to the garden center to buy bug spray....well here we go again, the shelves are covered with about a hundred million different kinds to choose from. So calmly,  (if you knew me then you know the calm part is an outright lie) I start reading labels, and finally picked out the one that seems to be just right for my bug infestation, or so I thought.

Once back at home I promptly started my first wave of attack on my enemy...smuggly thinking I would have them on the run in no time at all...I really believe the only thing that the bug spray did was make those pesky little things more determined to get even with me. OH and did I mentioned I made sure to buy the Eco friendly spray, I wanted to make sure, and kill bugs without poisoning myself, or being accused of increasing the size of the hole in the ozone layer, if i actually did get any tomatoes off these sad looking little plants.

The outcome to this point is Bugs 5 /  Me 1...Yes they are and have kicked my butt. As of this writing, I only have 1 poor little sad looking plant left, and my total harvest for this first tomato raising season was 2 tomatoes, which I ate bugs and all.

I think the final tally on this project of wanting to have something to do, plus maybe save a little money by raising some of my own food turned out quite well as opposed to other things I've done in the past.

I figure I'm only in the hole about a 100.00 as compared to having just gone down to the store, and  outright bought the tomatoes...but we all know that home grown tomatoes taste better....well that is if the damn bugs don't eat them first!

Although this project didn't quite turnout like I had envisioned, it hasnt detered me from wanting to try again...and I tell you what, next time I will have a full blown task force of sprays, bigger pots, and more information about the do's and dont's of tomato growing, to back me up...so fair warning to the bug population in my back yard...I'll Be Back!

Is It Time To Facebook?

Big decisions are made in haste sometimes, but not this one.  To Facebook or Not To Facebook...that is the question!

Most of my family, and a lot of my friends have Facebook pages, and even some of the Good Ol Boys where I worked had them, so I'm hearing from them how I should get one...WTF should I get one or even need one. From what I see, it's more like having another job and not getting paid for it.

On the pages I've looked at, there have been all sorts of extremely important information posted such as...picked up groceries... headed to get hair done... just made coffee and sitting here watching it rain... think I will go to mall today cyl... or other important info that everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for...Yeah right, I need to know how every one's day is going, with minute to minute updates.

 Its really funny to watch a grown man come rushing in to the control room at work to pull up his page and check out whats gone on with his friends...and this is at 6 in the morning...needless to say a bunch of crap was handed out to him/them(it was more than one) for this action. Now how much could have gone on from the time they went to bed until the time they got to work that early in the morning?


And what about those that are addicted to the games such as Farmville...omg! I'm sorry but I just can't see myself worried about some crops getting harvested at 2am in the morning...or whether my imaginary critters get fed, or if they starve.  Sorry, call me heartless, but those poor little sheep can "Baa" all they want, because I don't care if they get their imaginary food or not.  I have seen grownups reduced to begging for supplies, or other things they need to make their farms survive, grow and prosper on the wonderful internet world. It just makes me want to jump right in and help them sow a few seeds...or smack my head in amazement...whichever comes first.

All this leads me to believe that in someway there has to be subliminal messages being run across their monitors, leading them into these actions, and the recruitment of others to join them in supplying the world with all their goings on... how else can this phenomina be explained?  Just like at the movies when you see the concession commercial before the show starts...damned if I don't jump up and go for more popcorn.  At some point I guess I'll jump up, but instead of popcorn, I'll make a page so that I can reveal my minute by minute happenings of my exciting days in retirement...important things such as....leaving the house to go get heartworm medicine for the dogs, and then going to Lowe's to pick up bug killer, then may go play golf...

Wow that was sort of fun...I think I can do this, as a matter of fact I feel the urge to just google up Facebook right now and get started so that all of you can know what its like to be me for a day.... OH and I also have some swamp land for sale real cheap...infact we found oil on it, or rather washed up on it. 

Maybe one day I will take the plunge and make a page...it just won't be today... :)

Buddy The Big Dog...

As all parents are, my kids of course are proud of their children and I often hear about the events(large and small) that are happening in their lives. Samuel did this, or Klaire, and Khloe did that, or did you know that Kyler can fix any electronic problem known to man.

Being a proud grandfather I take it all in, and of course take pride in the fact that somewhere along the way maybe some of my genes attributed to these enormous feats of genius.

Their lives are hectic, and full of having to go here and there taking kids to appointments, school, play dates etc...and that's great, in fact I sometimes miss that part of raising kids, but then I regain my senses while relaxing in my recliner flipping channels, and settling back into my comfort zone of knowing "Been there, Done that".  I love them all dearly , but there's great satisfaction knowing that Mom and Dad will get them back after we are done spoiling them for a few days.

In knowing my feelings about "Been there, Done that"...about a year ago while I was still gainfully employed(that means before retirement), my working buddy made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

He and his family live on 10 acres, so naturally they have animals to occupy some of that space, and one day he looked out to find a new addition to his animal population....Buddy The Big Dog!  Since he already had 3 or 4 other dogs, he knew he needed to find a good home for this friendly big fella.

Hey Jim...you want a dog?  Those words went in one ear and out the other when he first asked me. I mean we already had a little Taco Bell looking , lap sitting, spoiled rotten dog at home, but as the day progressed, and I kept thinking...Should I, why shouldn't I, how much trouble could he be, it's not like having kids ....or is it?

Ok ...bring him over to the house I'll take him...Yes those were the words I heard coming out of my mouth, and so we, or should I say I adopted a new member to our family. I'm changing the we to an I because it seems when Buddy does something wrong...IE chews up stuff, bumps into things or people, climbs on furniture, etc. "I" get the pleasure of hearing about how "I" wanted another dog. Thus going from plural to singular in a manner which is similar to hearing...He's YOUR son, instead of being OUR son.

And Now ..."Here's Buddy"   A few days past, before my friend dropped by...the door bell rings, I open it and in swoops a big hairy critter tugging at a leash, tail wagging fast and hard, head moving side to side taking in his new residence...or maybe he was just sizing up the place to make sure we met his qualifications...Oh well either way it didn't matter, he had made his grand entrance, and was here to stay.

It's now been about a year since Buddy joined the family, and he's fit in quite well...Well except for the time he got out, and was picked up by animal control(which cost me 40 bucks to bail him out of animal jail), when he found a way to open the gate, or when he dug holes all around the back yard...yes Golden Retrievers love to dig... or when he decided to tear up some of the stuffed animals we have for the grand kids...yes they also like to explore new things, or his first vet visit that cost 300.00, or when you're sleeping at night, and he comes and puts his face in your face, breathing on you, just to let you know he's there, ready, willing, and able, waiting for you to get up and play...Boy this sounds like raising kids to me.

Buddy has become a big part of our family...the grand kids love to play with him, and watch him fetch a ball, they lay all over him as he tolerates them tugging, and pulling on his hair or ears, he's just a big ol lovable bear with big brown eyes and a look that just says ...pet me will ya.

Now that the kids are grown, and have their own families, and our empty nest syndrome is now just a thing of the past(it really didn't last that long anyway)...I still find myself taking care of family, albeit Buddy's not one of the kids, but he is ONE OF THE FAMILY, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do Your Really Want To Make A Million?

Wow, now that's a loaded question, don't you think? If you say "yes" then you're setting yourself up for possible disappointment, and if you say "no", then you're going to look lazy, unmotivated, or just down-right dumb! Since I'm retired, I can go either way...

Trying to find a way to make money online has become somewhat of a real quest for me, and a lot of others looking to make a few bucks...It must be easy I thought, all you need to do is type in any arrangement of words to describe "making money online", and Ole, you can find the good old reliable..."Make A Million" headline staring you in the face, but one little side note...there is always a disclaimer stating that it's not a get rich quick business...NOW IMAGINE THAT!

Heck if I'm going to make a Million then I want it quick...and I only want to spend 2 hours a day on filling in the blanks, and be able to work from my vacation palace in the Bahamas, or my winter home up in Aspen...geesh, I mean who wants to be overworked making all this money...OH Wait! the ad already specifies I can do all these things...silly me, guess I need to pay closer attention.

I love it when you receive an email, or open a link and they want your name, addy, and phone number...well if you were like me at first...I just typed it in and gave them an open door to flood me with all kinds of wonderful money making opportunities...YEAH RIGHT! 

Spam, spam, and more spam...what a great word, reminds me of when I was a kid...open the can with the twist off key, look in at that meat (or whatever it was) all compacted together, and thinking how maybe it might come out tasting like a ham sandwich...NOT!  Well its the same premise...open the email to an unbelievable opportunity...I mean I know it must be because that's what it says, ( surely they don't lie) only to find out that this "Guru" wants more money to get this fantastic business started then the last guy.

The long and short of it is, I think my quest is just about run its course. I don't care that I'm not going to make a million on the net...I don't care if the Guru's have all the answers, and live in these wonderful mansions, or have expensive cars(I'm a truck kind of guy anyway), or that it only takes them 2 hours a day to reach their financial goals...I think I will just stick to being retired, maybe find a part time job, and continue to just hit the delete button when I see these great opportunities in my inbox. It does put me on a power trip knowing that I can just push that button, and zoom, straight into the trash bin the Guru, and his million go...

Just my two cents on becoming a rich and famous Internet million dollar Guru.