Mondays and the Government...Ya Gotta Love Em!!!

I'm a procrastinator...yup, in every sense of the word.  I don't have a clue as to why I'm like that, but I will freely admit it...and it must be true because my family seems to remind me of this terrible trait...but I say "Big Deal" its who I am...it makes me unique...and oh by the way I'm also full of Bull too, just ask any member of said family, or friends.

The above paragraph was just a set up for how my Monday went .....I got up knowing that I needed to go to the social security office to straighten out a mistake "They had made"...understand this here and now I Don't Make Mistakes, (it's just a gift I have I guess), so I know it had to be theirs!

Let's roll time back a couple of years to really get the whole story....I was going to join the masses that filed their income tax online, so I got on the IRS website, read all the instructions, went to the appropriate site, did my taxes, and all the time I'm thinking why the hell didn't I do this before, this is pretty easy....Wrongggggggg...with a capital W!!!!

Once I hit the submit button, I got the dreaded error message that I couldn't do this online.... as I read that little statement, I could feel myself getting a little mad....NO, actually I was getting a lot pissed!...So I took action, and called the number given to access one of the helpful agents(of course I'm saying that with all the sarcasm I can muster) to find out what the problem was.

After holding, an holding, and holding...well you get the picture, an agent finally answered and greeted me, asking for my personal information so she could pull up my account.  I gave her all she needed to know, told her I was trying to fill out my taxes online, and of course I had no luck because HER system had something against me!...I know it's not actually her system, but I'm trying to get her to take ownership in her employers way of messing with us poor taxpayers.

Well of course she puts me on hold, and all the time I'm thinking ....NO lady don't do that, I will only lose the phone connection, and will have to start this process all over again....luckily we stayed connected and she came back, to explain to me that the date of birth I had put on my online filing was WRONG!....Wrong my butt lady...I know when the hell I was born....was the immediate thought that went through my head, but luckily not out of my mouth.  I calmly ask her the date she had on my records, and she gave me the date, which come to find out was inverted from my actual date of birth...so their showing I was born on the 31st, and I was actually born on the 13th......

Ok problem solved right? I just have to tell her that she needs to switch the one and the three and we are good to go....I can file and get my refund in a timely manner....Of course that was a delusional idea on my part.  She's starts telling me that somewhere along the way I must have made a mistake in writing down my birth date when filling out my application for my SS card (my blood is boiling at this point), to which I respond....NO maam! I don't think so(remember folks, I don't make mistakes), and point out to her, that could possibly, in her wildest imagination,  believe the mistake could have been made when they went to a computerized system, and was transferring my information....Silence hits the phone line at this point, and then I hear...Oh maybe your right.  Thanks lady, I know I'm right, just ask my kids!

So what do I need to correct this problem, if we can't do it by phone, was my next question....to which she responded that I need to go to the nearest social security office, bring at least two forms of identification with my correct date of birth......and that I needed to do it right away!....UH huh, I will get right on that...was my first thought. Y'all screwed up and I'm suppose to jump through a hoop...ain't happening!   Well here it is two years later, and of course its obvious I didn't follow her advice(I admit to having a problem with being told what to do!), because I'm now just making my way down to city hall to get a copy of my birth certificate to take as proof, along with my drivers license, to show these experts that... I KNOW WHEN I WAS BORN.

Since I'm getting ready to turn 62 in a few months I needed to get this straight, and didn't want it to hold up receiving my monthly retirement check.

So now back to how my visit went yesterday....

I got my birth certificate(only cost 23.00) with the official seal... got to have the official one, and I'm out the money...The SS office is located in another town about fifteen miles away....so add gas cost to my out of pocket expense, to straighten out THEIR MISTAKE!

I get to their office, and prior to going inside, I'm greeted by a little old lady, standing outside the door looking down at a doll that resembles a leprechaun, and it's tied to the front of one of those little scooters that people use that have a hard time walking around... well the lady is holding a heated conversation with this doll...yes I'm at the right place was my first though...I know it has to be because they must have driven this poor old woman to such a frantic state that she needed to vent on the leprechaun, instead of smacking the dog out of one of the employees.

After carefully maneuvering around the old lady (I didn't want to distract her in mid conversation), I make my way inside, to a small reception area loaded to the max with others waiting to get satisfaction from our retirement system.  I get handed a number, and told to just have a seat that they would be with me shortly.........Shortly! Evidently this guy that not only doubles as number hander outer, but also security, hasn't opened his eyes long enough to see the hoard of others that I'm going to have to wait behind before my turn comes up.

Finally my number gets called...and actually the wait wasn't too bad...I get up from my seat, and head over to one of the windows, like all the other cattle have done...I explain my situation, and start to present my documentation, only to be stopped in mid sentence..."Sir, go back and wait, someone will call your name and you can go back and they will take care of this for you"...Ok no problem, but why the hell did I have to lose my previous seat to talk to you, just to be told YOU can't help!...God I love the way our Government works.

A door leading into the back offices opens and I hear my name called...finally justice will be served, and I will get this straight....and actually it was.  The young lady that helped me was very nice, and got my situation straighten out,(they actually know when I was born) at least I was told it was....I haven't logged on yet to their system to see....but I'm taking her word for it .....I mean would a person representing our government lie to me?...Dang that last comment almost made me laugh at myself .

When I left I felt some satisfaction that I had got my problem solved, and that I did it on my own terms, and not theirs...although their mistake did cost me out of pocket money...but hey at least it wasn't as much as other mistakes they've made that cost us taxpayers billions, plus the little old lady that was venting on the doll had evidently gotten satisfaction too, since she was gone by the time I left....but you know come to think of it so was the leprechaun doll...hmm I'm thinking she may have taken it hostage!

"Happy Birthday GG" With Love....Dad

Today is a very special day, for a very special young woman...It's my daughters Birthday.
She is thirty four, and yes she is still "Daddy's little girl"!  If you don't believe me just ask her. I'm sure she would roll her eyes and tell you that her dad is still very protective, and can't seem to quit trying to run her life, even though she is married and has a child of her own....But It's My Job!

Her Christian faith shines through for everyone to see, and is evident in everything she does in her daily life. She talks the talk, and she walks the walk, that most of us, (even her dad), only wish we could.

Gina is "the daughter" every father wishes they had...I'm still trying to figure out how I got so lucky. Good grades, church every Sunday, respectful, loyal friend to others, college graduate, and now mom and wife... She fulfilled most every parents dream of how they want their child to be, but most of all she is a true ambassador for the Lord. She lives her life as a testimony for others to see...not to bring glory, or attention to herself, but to "Give all the Glory to Him", and she passes that on to others that come into her life.

Although not big in stature, she is fearless once she feels that  God is calling her to action...She's traveled to the middle east to follow His calling... although not married at the time, and not knowing anyone, this 5'2 young woman traveled to New York to get the necessary training, join a group of other Christians from all over the country, and set out for six months(one of the worst times in her dad's life) to spread His word in a place where they could possibly be jailed, sent back to the states, or worse if they were perceived to be there on a mission trip, trying to spread His word in a country where the Bible isn't the book of choice! ....This is just one of many stories I could tell about her strength, and willingness to serve, but I don't see the need, nor would she, because in her life it's about Glorifying God, not glorifying her actions, and yes I am a very proud father, and better person because of her.

So today I just want to say "Thank You Lord" for giving me such a fine daughter, and mother of my youngest grandson....I hope your day today is as special as you are Gina...

Love you
Dad

Harold Schlumberg (Making a difference)

Wise Words




As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a

difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted

by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the

courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.



Harold Schlumberg is such a person ---

 
A quote from Harold ---




"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'


Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of


the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."


How cool is that to be able to do something you enjoy, and do it each and everyday!  Maybe I need to re-think retirement as being boring, and non productive. Of course luckily he has a degree in his chosen retirement activity...hmm wonder how long it would take me to get mine?

I Hate September!

September ought to be one of the nicest months of the year...the summer heat starts to fade making golfing more tolerable without fearing a heat stroke, football season is underway, the grass doesn't grow quite as fast, so less yard work...its just normally a very pleasant time of year.

 For most that is, but not for me...Now I can see you on the edge of your seat in anticipation asking "why doesn't Jim like September".  Well let me fill you in on my overwhelming dread for this particular month.   I have to go for my annual physical!  Now I know some of you are thinking to yourselves "Big Deal"...well to me its a Really Big Deal, because I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR...period, that's it I said it........I hate it!!!!

There are really only two things in this world I dread.....flying, and going to the doctor.....call me a baby, call me chicken, call me a wuss, cause I don't care "sticks and stones",  just don't make me board a plane, or see the dreaded Doctor White Coat. Other than these two things, I'm pretty much laid back, and can handle the ups and downs that life has thrown my way over my life time.
Every year I have to go in so the doctor can poke, prod, draw blood, ask questions, and do other unmentionable things to me...What a treat to have to bend over so another person can stick his finger where the sun don't shine, just so they can tell you, that at your age it's one of those things that needs to be done....WELL NO SHIT  SHERLOCK, but I sure as hell ain't going to smile about it in agreement!

I go through all this mainly to pacify  my family, and the doctor...the family, just so the kids know that their inheritance is still hopefully not just around the corner(besides I'm doing my best to spend it now), and for the doctor so that he will be satisfied that the blood pressure medicine is working, and that he will renew my prescription to carry me through until the next September Torture session rolls around.

Over the past couple of years during my appointments, Doctor White Coat, has been lobbying for me to have a Colonoscopy.......Is this guy NUTS or what!....Evidently he hasn't caught on to some of my subtle hints(is that really necessary, or I don't think I need that...Doc where did you say you graduated from) that I hate being there. Dang it... It takes me a full week just to talk myself into making my appointment to go see him, and now he's pressing his luck trying to get me to have a camera stuck up the same place that ...well never mind you get my point.

Ok look, I know he is just doing his job, and all the data points to people my age needing to be diligent in having this procedure done on a regular basis, plus some of my friends that have gone through it have assured me  "it's no big deal", but I'm just not one of those diligent people, nor do I trust some of my friends to shoot me the straight scoop ( you have to know some of these guys to understand).....I'M CHICKEN, and I don't know if they've found a cure for that yet, or invented a pill to make me want to undress, lay back, and let Doctor White Coat take pictures, that I could probably find on Utube if I looked hard enough. 

So I guess I'm still up in the air so to speak on letting him do this, but I know he will be doing his best to convince me, and I will be doing my best to avoid it.  As a matter of fact, I think I will leave it to fate, and flip a coin(best two out of three), and see if he will buy into that.  I mean isn't that how they make some of their diagnosis?

The time is getting near for the dreaded phone call to make my appointment, so by the end of the week (told ya I have to get mentally prepared), I will get it over with.  If only I could just write my own prescription , and be done with it...but then I would have to figure out a way to examine my own prostrate...well hell there went that idea! 

Ok Doctor White Coat, you win...just do me a favor...don't try and tell me I won't feel a thing, and don't tell me how happy I'm going to be when it's over, because I don't think I will find any happiness in laying on a cold table while someone is yanking a camera out of my lower orifice, or at least I don't think I will...but then again, I do have a weird sense of humor!

Spam...No Can Opener Needed...Just Click!

There are a few things that I actually love to do, and one is getting up in the morning, get a cup of coffee and sit in front of the computer,  anticipating all the surprises that are waiting for me when I check my email.

Now I'm not that big on surprises...I don't get all pumped up thinking I'm going to have a "Real" email from some long lost "Rich" relative, or my broker sending me information that he has a "sure fire winning stock pick"...I'm really alluding to my "Spam" folder.  You know...the little place where you receive all these wonderful offers, which evidently are "Too Wonderful" to go into one's Inbox!

I don't know how many millions of dollars I've past up over the years by not sending my 37.00 or whatever the going rate is for becoming a millionaire, for a specific offer, but I do know I would be giving Warren Buffet a run for his money, had I only just opted in to those different money making schemes...Uh, I mean programs.

How many "Free Government Grants" have I let go by....I mean damn it, our wonderful administration is passing out free money, and I've been so dumb I didn't latch on to any of it...and all the great free laptops, or the discount coupons for new super saver windows, the ones with the double panes, and tint to keep out the sun, and cut your electricity bill.  Of course it only takes you thirty years to recoup the money you spent on the windows, vs the actual money spent on electricity...Yup, these are all real winners, and how the hell did I pass on this stuff  I'll never know.

My overall favorites are the ones informing me that somehow I have access to some fortune left by some widow/widower, and that all I need to do is provide some needed information...Hmm, sounds reasonable...I give out my name, address, bank account number, phone, ssn, date of birth, and they send me a few million in return....Oh yeah, I'm all over that one...info on the way...send Jim the money! The only reservations I have about these are, for the life of me I don't remember having relatives in Uganda, Kenya, the Ukraine, France, etc....shoot most of my relatives still live a stones throw away. Oh well, I guess every family has a few Black Sheep traveling the world.

I think besides the forgotten relatives with all the money to send me....my next favorite is "Earning My Doctorate Degree".......yes folks, according to some of these institutions of higher learning....YOU my friend can receive your Doctoral Degree in less time than it takes to go to the grocery store, fill your car up with gas and return home to put said groceries up.....Now that's a deal right there, how in the world can someone in today's times pass that up...Jobs are hard to find, so having Dr. added in front of your name has to be worth something does it not?  Just think of all those poor suckers that actually spent years in Grad School just to get the same designation (if only they had checked their spam folder).  Plus the biggest selling point for me is... you can do it from the comfort of your own home, in front of your own computer, and to top it off, you can do it while still in your pj's...Hell's Bells, sign me up!

I could go on, and on with this...but I'm thinking y'all are getting the picture..."There's One Born Every Minute"...just don't let it be YOU!  Besides...I've screwed up enough for all of us!